3 mistakes we make in our relationships
“He does not want to change”, “She does not understand me”, “I make all the effort in our relationship”, “I feel that with my friend i am the only one who always makes the calls”.
That sound familiar to you? Did you see yourself in one of those situations? Maybe you have felt that in your relationship?
Have you noticed that sometimes, with some people the link is smooth and you build the rapport in a snap and sometimes with other people it is like running a marathon.
Other times, with the same people you felt everything was ok 👌, now you are arguing for small things. Maybe it was yesterday in your love relationship, or at work with one of your colleagues and sometimes even with your best friend.
Let me tell you something, this happens to everyone, and in every relationship. What i am going to share will transform your relationships into “REAL-tionships “.
The script (storyboard) you have in mind.
Yes, you read well, we ALL have a script in mind on how our relationship should go. Think about it for a minute. Don’t you have a clear idea 💡 of how every of your relationship should be for you to feel the connection? Of course, you have.
This script or storyboard i like to call it. This is the thing that needs to happen for you to feel the connection. I know it so well, i have been there too in my past relationship. It was almost like I had a movie in my head, and the actors were those I was connecting; my friends, my partners, my co-workers, my family, and so on.
I felt, that if they act well in this storyboard of mine, there was a deep connection if they were not acting well in my storyboard or script, i felt almost like “I” had to put energy.
What I did not realise at the time was, we ALL have this script in mind. Sometimes, we have a similar scenario, and sometimes our stories can really differ.
Did you ever had this friend, always late when you wanted to see each other? I bet you have, and when he is late, you started to feel not respected or not important or something close to it, right?
Your partner did not call you when he gets home late from work, and you felt frustrated or even angry 😡 because he did not take the time for you.
This colleague who did not finish his case in time for you and now you have to rush.
Even with your own family that can happen, how many times have you shared with your friends that your parents did not show you love, or wanted to control you or something similar to it.
Does that sounds familiar, and i am not saying this you, maybe someone you know very intimately 😉.
Start blaming people for not following a script they are not even aware of
What starts to happen?
We start to blame the other person because he/she did not follow our script, our storyboard, right? It is like unconsciously we are the director of the movie 🎥 , and all our actors are doing what they want instead of following your directives. You start to feel frustrated, you begin even to feel angry.
We are angry because this is not following our plans. Do you feel related? Of Course.
Now, we think, nothing is working because “THEY” are not following the plan that you have in mind.
Because they did not follow our script, so they are responsible for what goes wrong, right?
You are not even aware that you may have this script in your mind, most of the time, it is unconscious, and it needs an effort to reveal it.
How to transform your relationship into REAL-tionship?
Now that you have identified what was not working, you might wonder:” OK, now what to do ? “.
The very first thing is to be helped to identify what is your script, with the help of a coach, it is easy and fun. Once you have done it, then the second step is to share that with those you want to be in real-tionship with. For that, the coach will help you to increase your communication skills and your self-confidence.