Have you ever admit that you were wrong?
This is one of those days, I am not afraid 😦 to say that I was wrong.
Let’s face it, you hear everywhere “Use SMART Criteria for your goals”, even I am guilty of using those criteria for defining Life Goals for myself and my clients
I was convinced that was the best way, even if i knew another more efficient one, but i wanted to follow the crowd. What a big mistake.
SMART is a Business approach
I worked 10 years in the bank 🏦 , and we used the SMART Goals ALL THE TIME. That should have ring a bell 🔔, right?
SMART Goals are incredible 😉 for BUSINESS goals, project management, marketing and all that kind of stuff.
It is clear, precise, you can refer to it often, and adjust it consequently.
If you are resourceful enough, you get to your goals in no time.
It is a logical process, no emotions involved or very few as you learn to manage your feelings. Very efficient to get the numbers.
What about the emotions
What happens now when there are human being involved, with their emotions, feelings and real-tionship (see my other post)?
When it comes to defining your life goal, it is another story unless you see your life as a business without emotions and interactions with others.
In my past experience, I had learned if that was simple as defining your goals and follow-through, you would have already achieved it, nothing would Have hold you back, right?
The Back pain Experience
Let me share one ☝️ of my past experience when I had my hypnosis clinic in New-Caledonia.
The Smoke hiding everything
One day, I got a client who came to me for back pain.
We got to talk about how did that happen to her; she got a car 🚘 accident 8 years ago, been to surgery and since then she had back pain even if physically there is nothing wrong with her body. She decides to come to me as a last chance 🍀.
I was excited and wanted to make it happen for her.
We worked on her goal in a SMART way: I asked her questions about what she wanted when she wanted it and how her life would change after the pain was gone.
I used all my skills to make her envision a positive future pain-free.
I asked her about her future activities and all that would be possible after being pain-free. She felt amazing.
Her goal was to be pain-free in a few sessions so she could get back to do some bushwalking 🚶♀️ and all the activities she had before.
I was “rushing the result”, I was obsessed to get her pain free.
After only 2 sessions, we managed to eliminate her pain.
How cool was that? Pretty cool 👍🏻, right?
She was so happy 😃 , and I have to admit that I was proud of myself that I get to help her.
It was not ecological
BUT, about 3 weeks after our last session, she called me back, she was disappointed 😔, the pain had come back, and it was even worse.
I was so confused 😐, i offered her a refund and free sessions until she gets off the pain.
This time, I promised myself I would take the time to really go more in-depth and really understand what was going on.
Together we get back in sessions and this time, something I heard the first time but did not acknowledge because i was so obsessed with the end result. You know sometimes the very thing that you are looking for is right in front of you and you don’t see it.
It was something she shared with me during our very first session when I asked her how her life was after her car 🚘 accident 8 years ago. Her husband took excellent care of her, he managed to do all the duties in the house 🏡 , preparing meals, driving the children, and even made peace ☮️ with his in-laws.
She felt like a princess 👸. They were married15 years before her car 🚗 accident, and after this incident in their lives, everything changes for her.
After she got released from the pain and got home 🏡 sharing with her husband, the great news, things start to change again.
This time, instead of taking good care of her, her husband Start to stop doing the things he was doing.
🛑 He stopped doing the dishes,
🛑 He stopped picking up the children at school 🏫
🛑 He stopped cleaning the house 🏡.
In the mind of my client, this could only mean one ☝️ thing: Her husband did not love 💔 her anymore. Worst, she thought that if she would be pain-free, they could do more things together and now, she is stuck cleaning 🧹 the house 🏠 and doing all the things that her husband was doing.
For her, there was a benefit to have back pain, she felt loved 💓 and cherished by her husband. If the pain was gone, she did not feel love 💔 anymore.
The NLP Ecological Goal Approach
After she told me all that, and i really took the time to check if there were no other secondary benefits for her to maintain this back pain.
This time, we worked on both ✌🏻, her back pain AND her love 💓 relationship with her husband, we took care of the ecological 🌱 impact of her goal.
After few sessions, she managed to talk to her husband, and they decided neither he or she wanted to do some duties in the house, so they invested in a dishwasher and hired a cleaner once a week.
Since then, she never had back pain anymore.
There was an ecological 🌱 aspect that i was not able to identify with her SMART Goal.
Now, i work with the ecological aspect of a goal with my client. I make sure there is nothing that could come in the way of my clients to reach their goals.
What about your goals?
How this post had a positive impact on your life? Do you see how you can implement? Do you feel how it is going to benefits you? Maybe you are telling yourself that it is excellent?